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Dating pro tip: End Strong!
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Me = divorced male, 59, no kids. Wanted to share a recent experience with the group.
Not sure if they were dates, as I'm unsure if there were romantic intentions, but for the sake of argument let's call them dates. I haven't been on an actual first date in a long time, so I'm afraid I wouldn't recognize one if it fell out of the sky and landed on my head... but see that the dating landscape has changed little since then.
Allow me to make an observation:
This past week, I went out with two female friends whom I haven't seen in a long time. Met one for dinner, and the other for drinks and a walk. There may have been interest in both women once upon a time, but we never acted on it. We've remained in touch over the years via Facebook. I reached out to one woman to set up the dinner date, and for the drink/walk date, the woman reached out to me out of the blue. Both were within three days of one another. Both dates were fine. I was charming, as per usual. Good conversation back-and-forth. Both very pleasant evenings, about 2.5 hours in duration (long enough, but not too long). I did detect some weird vibes from drinks/walk woman (I got the feeling she was in a not-so-happy relationship (living with) a guy, though she didn't say it directly. Was trying to figure out exactly why she reached out to me, but figure it was best not digging too deeply, and just go with it.
Anyway, my observation deals with the end of the dates. With both, they were just awkward... like we were going 75 miles an hour and just hit a brick wall (instead of gradually slowing down). Had I had romantic intent, despite having good overall experience with both, because of the way these ended,I question their interest in a possible next date (during my internal post-date evaluation). To be honest, I won't ask either out again because of the abrupt nature of the endings. Like, did I read this whole evening wrong? Or did I say something to offend them that I'm unaware of? Or what?
I know endings are and can be awkward. As someone who, quite frequently, speaks and presents at work, I know the value of starting strong and ending stronger. So, at the end of a date, if there's interest on your part, by all means try to finish strong . A weak, wishy-washy ending kills interest and all but ensures that there won't be a second date..
Date intentionally, Know who you are and what you're looking for, and communicate interest. We're way too old for games at this stage in the game.
Happy hunting!
Edit: I'll address people's comments here:
x Yes, they were not dates. I never implied that they were. But you could make the argument that they met the criteria for being dates. The abrupt ending of both outings harkened me back to my experiences with online dating, where many dates just sort of ended. I believe many of these had gone well, but the sudden ending gave me pause and as a result, I never pursued many potential relationships that started out promisingly. I have no intention of pursuing either further, it just reminded me that a strong ending is important if you want to pursue something with another person. I don't think this is a controversial hot take. A bad final minute of a date could potentially negate a great first 59 minutes, so be mindful of this.
x Abrupt ending means that during a pause in the conversation, they both just sort of ended it. It was no problem on my end, just thought that a gradual wrap-up was/is probably the best way to handle an ending, as opposed to abruptly (which is kind of awkward). u/TheWholeMoon I believe you can signal you're wrapping things up. You can say something like "would you look at the time. I have an early morning tomorrow, and I probably should be thinking about getting home." At work, the signal is "I need to hop on another call in the next couple of minutes." Conversation was still flowing and going well in both instances. Perhaps I said something, but I don't think so? We were talking about mutual friends, families, and former work acquaintances. They were the ones talking about ex- and likely current boyfriends, deceased husbands, and similar topics. I have learned my lesson (the hard way) about not bringing those topics up on anything that could be remotely considered a date, so I steer clear.
x It's not that I didn't enjoy these "non-dates." I did. They were both social, platonic encounters that ended rather abruptly. These encounters just made me think about the importance of dating intentionally, and effective communication. Both parties bear responsibility for this. u/MadameMonk I absolutely knew these were not dates, nor did I read anything more nto it.
u/tlc4ever143 your story was certainly interesting , relevant, and I'm glad you shared. I can assure you I had no change of clothes , am not "in between places,"and wasn't angling to spend the night with either of these ladies. I met one at a restaurant and the other at a brewery. :-)
u/Final-Context6625 I thought about asking her why she reached out? She said she had always wanted to get together... but since she indicated that she lives with a man, I felt no inclination to dig any deeper. We used to work together, so we mostly talked about work and some of our mutual work acquaintances.
u/idreamofworldpeas Yes, women certainly do have to worry about things that men don't. However, I reject the notion that all men are psycho rapists. Trust me, I have encountered plenty of crazy, dysfunctional women
x Some other random comments that I'll address:
u/LoyalLovingKind I never said they didn't want to see me again. After both ended, I received text messages from both women saying they enjoyed getting together. These were both friendly encounters that made me think about how important it was /is to date intentionally, communicate well, and finish strong. Take what you wish from it. And I am very much the common denominator in both situations. Some self-reflection on my part is very much in order. Thanks for the reminder.
u/livinginaskinnerbox Yes, course correction is absolutely very important. Many lack the sensory acuity to know whether they are getting closer to/further away from their target until it's much too late.
Yes, these were both casual acquaintances. One was a former co-worker. We are friends on Facebook. This is the extent of our relationships, nothing more, nothing less.
I didn't interpret either encounter as rejection, I just thought they both ended weird. I thought I would share my thoughts here in this forum. Seems like perhaps I've struck a collective nerve, though? I hadn't considered some of these points, so I appreciate you bringing them up. I don't think I articulated my story as well as I could have so I apologize for any confusion caused or created.
Going forward I will make my intentions with others very clear--even in friendly encounters (and hope they will do the same in return).
Thanks for the feedback and food for thought. I appreciate the conversation and exchange of ideas!
Top Comment: Hang on, you’re advising women to show direct romantic interest but at the same time you seem pretty wishy-washy yourself on what outcome you wanted? You didn’t flirt, you didn’t signal romantic interest, didn’t turn the conversation to dating or suggest another outing? Sounds like they weren’t dates, and you knew it.
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